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Captioning made possible
By mgm home entertainment
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Oliver: ♪ green acres
Is the place to be ♪
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♪ farm livin' is
The life for me ♪
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♪ land spreadin'
Out so far and wide ♪
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♪ keep manhattan, just
Give me that countryside ♪
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Lisa: ♪ new york ♪
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♪ is where I'd rather stay ♪
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♪ I get allergic ♪
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♪ smelling hay ♪
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♪ I just adore a
Penthouse view ♪
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♪ darling, I love you ♪
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♪ but give me park avenue ♪
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♪ the chores ♪
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♪ the stores ♪
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♪ fresh air ♪
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00:01:03,314 --> 00:01:04,424
♪ times square ♪
17
00:01:04,448 --> 00:01:05,980
♪ you are my wife ♪
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♪ good-bye, city life ♪
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Both: ♪ green acres,
We are there ♪
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Oliver.
21
00:01:27,705 --> 00:01:29,037
Hmm?
22
00:01:29,105 --> 00:01:31,373
You reading? Mm-hmm.
23
00:01:31,442 --> 00:01:33,342
Can I ask you a question?
24
00:01:33,410 --> 00:01:34,421
Mm-hmm.
25
00:01:34,445 --> 00:01:36,311
You'll give me an honest answer?
26
00:01:36,380 --> 00:01:37,479
Yes.
27
00:01:37,548 --> 00:01:38,947
You won't get mad?
28
00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:40,026
What's the question?
29
00:01:40,050 --> 00:01:41,550
Do you believe in birthdays?
30
00:01:41,618 --> 00:01:43,485
That's the question?
31
00:01:43,554 --> 00:01:45,687
Yes. What's the answer?
32
00:01:45,756 --> 00:01:48,623
Yes, I believe in birthdays.
33
00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:49,858
One more question.
34
00:01:49,926 --> 00:01:52,193
Now what?
35
00:01:52,262 --> 00:01:54,529
Do you know whose
Birthday it is next tuesday?
36
00:01:54,598 --> 00:01:56,598
George washington.
37
00:01:56,667 --> 00:01:58,867
Who?
38
00:01:58,935 --> 00:02:01,636
Well, I'll give you
A hint... It's yours.
39
00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:03,638
Mine? You guessed.
40
00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,707
Pure luck.
41
00:02:05,776 --> 00:02:07,409
Are you going to be available
42
00:02:07,478 --> 00:02:09,378
For the surprise party
I'm going to give you?
43
00:02:09,446 --> 00:02:12,213
Lisa, if I know about it,
It's not a surprise party.
44
00:02:12,282 --> 00:02:13,648
Well, if you don't
Know about it,
45
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:15,717
How do I know that
You're going to be there?
46
00:02:15,786 --> 00:02:17,952
I'll be there.
47
00:02:18,021 --> 00:02:19,941
Could I read my book now?
48
00:02:19,990 --> 00:02:22,323
One more question.
49
00:02:22,393 --> 00:02:23,658
Yes?
50
00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:25,861
What do you want
For your birthday?
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00:02:25,929 --> 00:02:28,764
Anything.
52
00:02:28,832 --> 00:02:30,832
How about a new girdle?
53
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:33,602
Yes, I'd like a...
54
00:02:33,670 --> 00:02:35,003
A girdle?
55
00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:37,572
I just wanted to see if
You pay any attention.
56
00:02:37,641 --> 00:02:39,908
I'm paying attention.
57
00:02:41,712 --> 00:02:43,812
Oliver?
58
00:02:43,881 --> 00:02:46,361
Do you want to give me
Something I really want?
59
00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:47,516
What?
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00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:50,452
3 months of silence,
Starting now.
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00:02:50,521 --> 00:02:53,187
Boy, what a grouch.
That's what I get
62
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:56,057
For marrying a man 68
Years older than I am.
63
00:03:04,568 --> 00:03:06,167
Push the choke in, mr. Douglas.
64
00:03:06,236 --> 00:03:07,313
It is in.
65
00:03:07,337 --> 00:03:08,369
Then pull it out.
66
00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:12,254
That should've been
Tied to somethin'.
67
00:03:12,309 --> 00:03:13,875
Try it again.
68
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:20,849
I got the horn goin'.
69
00:03:23,987 --> 00:03:25,465
Yeah, well, stop it!
70
00:03:25,489 --> 00:03:26,588
How?
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00:03:26,657 --> 00:03:28,557
Pull the wire.
72
00:03:29,693 --> 00:03:31,125
That did it.
73
00:03:31,194 --> 00:03:33,562
Oh, eb, will you...
74
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:34,963
You got plenty of gas.
75
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,799
Oil pressure's all right.
76
00:03:40,571 --> 00:03:43,505
And you're flyin'
At 60,000 feet.
77
00:03:45,509 --> 00:03:47,375
Please, please.
78
00:03:49,212 --> 00:03:50,479
Oh, this is why it won't start.
79
00:03:50,547 --> 00:03:51,627
The battery cable is dis...
80
00:03:52,749 --> 00:03:53,849
Aah!
81
00:03:53,917 --> 00:03:56,618
Why, you miserable,
Stupid tractor!
82
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,536
It don't like to
Be called names.
83
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,193
I'll call it anything I want!
84
00:04:07,263 --> 00:04:08,530
Oh!
85
00:04:08,599 --> 00:04:09,676
It struck again.
86
00:04:09,700 --> 00:04:11,811
You got its magneto
In an uproar.
87
00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:13,234
Oh, eb, stop this ridiculous...
88
00:04:15,105 --> 00:04:16,204
Oh!
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00:04:16,272 --> 00:04:18,473
It don't like you to
Yell at me, either.
90
00:04:18,542 --> 00:04:19,841
It's my friend.
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00:04:19,910 --> 00:04:21,543
Darling.
92
00:04:21,612 --> 00:04:23,545
Darling, can I talk
To you privately?
93
00:04:23,614 --> 00:04:24,614
Look, well, I'm...
94
00:04:24,648 --> 00:04:25,992
Well, it's terribly important.
95
00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:27,649
Eb, will you excuse us, please?
96
00:04:27,718 --> 00:04:29,161
Sure, I can take a hint.
97
00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,597
I know when I ain't wanted.
98
00:04:30,621 --> 00:04:32,231
You don't have to
Hit me over the head
99
00:04:32,255 --> 00:04:33,366
With a sledgehammer.
100
00:04:33,390 --> 00:04:35,023
Eb, you're puttin'
Ideas into my head.
101
00:04:35,091 --> 00:04:37,826
I'm goin'. Then go!
102
00:04:39,963 --> 00:04:42,230
Now, what was it you
Wanted to talk about?
103
00:04:42,298 --> 00:04:44,633
Oh, darling, what
Size shirt do you wear?
104
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,801
Did you come out here
To talk to me about that?
105
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,515
Well, I want to get
It for your birthday,
106
00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:50,016
And I don't want
Eb to know about it.
107
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,651
Otherwise, he
Won't be surprised.
108
00:04:51,675 --> 00:04:53,520
It's the only thing
I could figure out
109
00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:55,087
Unless you tell
Me what you want.
110
00:04:55,111 --> 00:04:57,045
Lisa, I'm having trouble enough
111
00:04:57,113 --> 00:04:58,413
With this darned tractor.
112
00:04:59,983 --> 00:05:01,482
Uh-huh...
113
00:05:01,552 --> 00:05:03,785
What does that "Uh-huh" mean?
114
00:05:03,854 --> 00:05:06,588
Oh... Well, it's a surprise.
115
00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:11,593
Excuse me.
116
00:05:11,662 --> 00:05:13,439
May I help you, ma'am?
117
00:05:13,463 --> 00:05:15,163
Yes. Are you mr. Gruber,
118
00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:17,498
Pixley's only honest
Tractor dealer?
119
00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:19,612
No, ma'am. My name's johnson.
120
00:05:19,636 --> 00:05:20,813
I'm his assistant.
121
00:05:20,837 --> 00:05:22,604
I would like to buy a tractor.
122
00:05:22,673 --> 00:05:24,305
A tractor?
123
00:05:24,374 --> 00:05:26,274
For yourself? No.
124
00:05:26,342 --> 00:05:27,954
May I ask who it's for?
125
00:05:27,978 --> 00:05:29,956
Well, you could ask, but
I'm not going to tell you.
126
00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:31,046
It's a surprise.
127
00:05:31,114 --> 00:05:32,413
A surprise?
128
00:05:32,482 --> 00:05:33,682
It's for his birthday.
129
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,416
Oh, a birthday present.
130
00:05:35,485 --> 00:05:36,585
Who told you?
131
00:05:37,888 --> 00:05:39,220
Well, you said...
132
00:05:39,289 --> 00:05:40,755
How large a one should I get?
133
00:05:40,824 --> 00:05:42,423
How big is his farm?
134
00:05:42,492 --> 00:05:45,126
Who said he's got a farm?
135
00:05:45,195 --> 00:05:48,863
Well, I just assumed
If you're buying a...
136
00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:51,265
You are going to
Spoil the surprise.
137
00:05:52,669 --> 00:05:54,202
This is a cute one.
138
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,871
Uh, wouldn't you rather
Wait for mr. Gruber?
139
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,372
He'll be back later.
140
00:05:58,441 --> 00:05:59,686
Where did he go?
141
00:05:59,710 --> 00:06:01,375
He took his wife
To the hospital.
142
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:02,978
She's expecting a baby.
143
00:06:03,046 --> 00:06:05,313
Oh! A boy or a girl?
144
00:06:05,381 --> 00:06:07,415
Well, it hasn't been born yet.
145
00:06:07,484 --> 00:06:08,683
Well, when it is,
146
00:06:08,752 --> 00:06:10,496
He'll be pretty surprised.
147
00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:12,386
Well, no. Mr. Gruber...
148
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:14,756
No, no. I mean the
Baby will be surprised
149
00:06:14,825 --> 00:06:16,390
If he is a boy.
150
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:17,592
Lady,
151
00:06:17,661 --> 00:06:19,661
We usually close for
Lunch about this time...
152
00:06:19,730 --> 00:06:21,340
It won't take long.
All I want to do
153
00:06:21,364 --> 00:06:22,764
Is buy one tractor.
154
00:06:22,833 --> 00:06:24,866
Oh, that's a pretty one.
155
00:06:26,737 --> 00:06:28,581
With a little house on the top.
156
00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:30,105
That's model 6000.
157
00:06:30,173 --> 00:06:32,774
395 horsepower, it develops.
158
00:06:32,843 --> 00:06:35,910
It can pull a
26-foot disc harrow,
159
00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:37,879
And 20-foot-wide chisel plow,
160
00:06:37,948 --> 00:06:39,748
And 3 press drills.
161
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,883
Does it have stereo?
162
00:06:41,952 --> 00:06:43,451
Uh... Stereo?
163
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,564
You know, the
Little tape you put in,
164
00:06:45,588 --> 00:06:48,422
And the music comes
Out from each wheel.
165
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:49,624
No.
166
00:06:49,693 --> 00:06:51,826
Oh, how about air conditioning?
167
00:06:51,895 --> 00:06:53,873
One of the features
Of this model
168
00:06:53,897 --> 00:06:55,742
Is the new suspension system
169
00:06:55,766 --> 00:06:56,998
That includes
170
00:06:57,067 --> 00:06:59,012
A torsion bar draft control.
171
00:06:59,036 --> 00:07:00,802
Is this the only
Color it comes in?
172
00:07:00,871 --> 00:07:03,004
Uh, yes.
173
00:07:03,073 --> 00:07:05,606
They don't give you
Much choice, do they?
174
00:07:05,676 --> 00:07:07,809
Uh, no, ma'am.
175
00:07:07,878 --> 00:07:09,678
Well, if he doesn't
Like the color,
176
00:07:09,746 --> 00:07:10,979
Can he exchange it?
177
00:07:11,048 --> 00:07:13,648
No, I'm afraid not.
178
00:07:13,717 --> 00:07:14,916
Well...
179
00:07:14,985 --> 00:07:16,651
All right, I'll take it.
180
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,119
Oh, fine. Thank you.
181
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:19,420
Thank you very much.
182
00:07:19,489 --> 00:07:21,233
And wrap it up as a gift.
183
00:07:21,257 --> 00:07:24,392
A gift? Well, it's
A little big to...
184
00:07:24,460 --> 00:07:25,894
We can put a bow on it.
185
00:07:25,962 --> 00:07:27,006
What color?
186
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,229
Any color you want.
187
00:07:28,298 --> 00:07:29,809
Well, why can't I get a tractor
188
00:07:29,833 --> 00:07:31,443
Any color I want?
189
00:07:31,467 --> 00:07:33,201
Bows are, uh...
190
00:07:33,269 --> 00:07:35,303
Why don't I just
Call mr. Gruber?
191
00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:37,038
He's probably just
Pacing up and down
192
00:07:37,107 --> 00:07:38,439
In the fathers' waiting room.
193
00:07:38,508 --> 00:07:41,576
No, no, no, never mind.
Just put on a blue bow.
194
00:07:41,644 --> 00:07:44,345
The fellow I'm
Sending it to is a boy.
195
00:07:44,414 --> 00:07:45,914
Well, I'll do what I can.
196
00:07:45,982 --> 00:07:47,860
And would you
Put a big card on it
197
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:49,228
Saying "Happy birthday"?
198
00:07:49,252 --> 00:07:51,086
Uh, from who? A friend.
199
00:07:51,154 --> 00:07:52,631
Well, he'll know who it is.
200
00:07:52,655 --> 00:07:54,466
He doesn't have too many.
201
00:07:54,490 --> 00:07:55,724
Well, yes, ma'am.
202
00:07:55,792 --> 00:07:57,759
Oh, where do you
Want it delivered?
203
00:07:57,828 --> 00:07:59,505
Well, I don't want him to see it
204
00:07:59,529 --> 00:08:01,507
Because he might
Guess what it is,
205
00:08:01,531 --> 00:08:03,042
So send it to mr. Ziffel.
206
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,510
He's our neighbor. Ziffel?
207
00:08:04,534 --> 00:08:07,535
Yes. Z-I-effel-effel-e-l.
208
00:08:07,604 --> 00:08:08,770
Ziffel.
209
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:21,156
Come on, doris.
210
00:08:21,218 --> 00:08:23,351
I'm walkin' as fast as I can.
211
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:24,586
The least you could do
212
00:08:24,654 --> 00:08:26,554
Is help me carry
These groceries.
213
00:08:26,623 --> 00:08:28,863
I'll help you eat' em.
Ain't that enough?
214
00:08:32,462 --> 00:08:34,295
Fred, open the door!
215
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:39,033
What's the matter?
216
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:40,201
Where'd that come from?
217
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,470
Where'd what...
218
00:08:45,041 --> 00:08:46,907
All right, fred.
219
00:08:46,976 --> 00:08:48,521
Why'd you buy the tractor?
220
00:08:48,545 --> 00:08:49,644
I didn't buy it.
221
00:08:49,713 --> 00:08:51,023
Oh, I suppose they just
222
00:08:51,047 --> 00:08:52,758
Delivered it here for fun.
223
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,682
I don't know nothin' about it.
224
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:56,718
Ah. What's this?
225
00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:58,519
"Happy birthday."
226
00:08:58,588 --> 00:09:00,321
Ohh, doris.
227
00:09:00,390 --> 00:09:01,822
You didn't forget.
228
00:09:01,891 --> 00:09:03,001
What?
229
00:09:03,025 --> 00:09:04,759
You're a livin' doll,
230
00:09:04,827 --> 00:09:06,427
Buyin' this tractor for me.
231
00:09:06,496 --> 00:09:09,029
Are you off your rocker?
232
00:09:09,098 --> 00:09:10,309
You finally done somethin' nice.
233
00:09:10,333 --> 00:09:11,899
Now, don't be ashamed of it.
234
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,568
I didn't buy it.
235
00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,403
Oh, now, you ain't foolin' me.
236
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:17,438
There it is right there,
As plain as can be.
237
00:09:17,507 --> 00:09:20,074
"Happy birthday from a friend."
238
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:22,087
I'm not your
Friend, I'm your wife.
239
00:09:22,111 --> 00:09:24,345
I didn't buy it.
240
00:09:24,414 --> 00:09:28,048
Well, whoever did
Sure has good taste.
241
00:09:28,117 --> 00:09:29,884
Ain't it a beaut?
242
00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:39,026
Fred, I wonder who sent it.
243
00:09:39,095 --> 00:09:41,396
Oh, doris, somebody's
Bound to stop me and ask me
244
00:09:41,464 --> 00:09:43,398
How I liked the
Tractor they sent me.
245
00:09:43,466 --> 00:09:44,799
I don't think...
246
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:48,102
Ah ha ha ha!
247
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,849
Well, mr. Ziffel,
Where did you get this?
248
00:10:01,918 --> 00:10:04,062
Well, mr. Douglas,
It was just delivered.
249
00:10:04,086 --> 00:10:06,086
Come on up and take a look.
250
00:10:11,227 --> 00:10:13,561
Say, this has everything.
251
00:10:13,630 --> 00:10:16,564
Oh, man, yes. Power steerin',
252
00:10:16,633 --> 00:10:18,833
Disc brakes, air conditionin'.
253
00:10:18,901 --> 00:10:20,167
Air conditioning?
254
00:10:20,236 --> 00:10:22,269
Oh, blow your hat
Right off on a hot day.
255
00:10:22,339 --> 00:10:24,706
And that ain't all.
You know what that is?
256
00:10:24,774 --> 00:10:25,906
What?
257
00:10:25,975 --> 00:10:27,608
That's a stereo tape player.
258
00:10:27,677 --> 00:10:28,757
Stereo?
259
00:10:28,812 --> 00:10:31,111
Yeah, music comes
Out of every wheel!
260
00:10:31,180 --> 00:10:32,180
Well!
261
00:10:32,248 --> 00:10:35,282
Yeah, and get a load of this.
262
00:10:35,352 --> 00:10:37,452
Fred ziffel, callin' doris.
263
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:39,119
Come in, doris.
264
00:10:39,188 --> 00:10:41,422
Doris over radio: hi,
Fred. This is doris.
265
00:10:41,491 --> 00:10:43,324
How did mr. Douglas like it?
266
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:46,260
It's beautiful, mrs. Ziffel!
267
00:10:46,329 --> 00:10:47,695
Hey, mr. Douglas,
268
00:10:47,764 --> 00:10:49,764
You sound pretty
Good on the radio.
269
00:10:51,033 --> 00:10:52,533
Wait a minute.
270
00:10:55,004 --> 00:10:57,137
What did you say, mrs. Ziffel?
271
00:10:58,375 --> 00:10:59,819
That was arnold broadcasting.
272
00:10:59,843 --> 00:11:01,041
Say hello to him.
273
00:11:03,446 --> 00:11:05,680
Hello, arnold!
274
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:08,082
Arnold wants to
Talk to his father.
275
00:11:09,552 --> 00:11:11,051
It's for you, dad.
276
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:12,720
Oh.
277
00:11:12,789 --> 00:11:13,954
Hello, arnold.
278
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:18,593
Yeah, yeah, you can
Watch television.
279
00:11:21,464 --> 00:11:22,830
Arnold, that ain't right.
280
00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:24,577
When I tell you you
Can't do somethin',
281
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,233
Don't ask your father!
282
00:11:26,302 --> 00:11:27,835
Come in, fred.
283
00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:29,704
I'm goin' over to ben miller's.
284
00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:31,038
Well, drive careful.
285
00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:32,707
Don't tell me how to drive.
286
00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:34,509
Just over and out me.
287
00:11:34,577 --> 00:11:36,389
Over and out, you big...
288
00:11:42,919 --> 00:11:45,352
Ohh. What an engine.
289
00:11:45,422 --> 00:11:47,655
Mr. Douglas, I'd appreciate it
290
00:11:47,724 --> 00:11:50,257
If you wouldn't get
No finger marks on it.
291
00:11:50,326 --> 00:11:52,593
Oh, I'm sorry.
292
00:11:52,662 --> 00:11:54,796
I sure envy you, mr. Ziffel.
293
00:11:54,864 --> 00:11:56,997
I'd like to have a
Tractor like this,
294
00:11:57,066 --> 00:11:59,300
But I imagine they're
Pretty expensive.
295
00:11:59,368 --> 00:12:01,280
Yeah, I imagine they are.
296
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:03,215
Well, be seein' you.
297
00:12:11,514 --> 00:12:13,280
Now, there's a tractor.
298
00:12:15,184 --> 00:12:17,418
Why, you miserable...
299
00:12:23,059 --> 00:12:24,091
Oliver!
300
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,359
Oliver: I'm in here!
301
00:12:25,428 --> 00:12:26,861
Hello, darling.
302
00:12:26,930 --> 00:12:28,140
Where have you been?
303
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,630
If I told you, you'd know.
304
00:12:29,699 --> 00:12:31,677
I wouldn't ask if I
Didn't want to know.
305
00:12:31,701 --> 00:12:33,400
You're interested
In what I'm doing?
306
00:12:33,470 --> 00:12:34,980
Yes. You missed me?
307
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,882
No. I want to take a shower,
308
00:12:36,906 --> 00:12:39,017
And I need someone
To turn the water on.
309
00:12:39,041 --> 00:12:41,576
That's all I am to you...
A water-turner-onner.
310
00:12:41,644 --> 00:12:44,044
Oh, no. You're much
More than that.
311
00:12:44,113 --> 00:12:45,913
I am? Yes.
312
00:12:45,982 --> 00:12:48,516
You're also my
Water-turner-offer.
313
00:12:51,621 --> 00:12:54,021
Well, if that's your aptitude,
314
00:12:54,090 --> 00:12:55,723
I'm sorry I did what I did
315
00:12:55,792 --> 00:12:57,803
Because what I did I
Did because I thought
316
00:12:57,827 --> 00:12:59,472
You'd appreciate what I did.
317
00:12:59,496 --> 00:13:00,906
Uh-huh. Well, will
You turn the water on?
318
00:13:00,930 --> 00:13:02,475
I've been workin' on
That tractor all day.
319
00:13:02,499 --> 00:13:03,430
I'm filthy.
320
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:05,299
Did you get it fixed?
321
00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:07,234
No. Good.
322
00:13:07,303 --> 00:13:08,636
What do you mean, good?
323
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,304
I have a feeling.
324
00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:12,139
Will you turn the water on?
325
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:20,347
Hello, mr. Douglas!
I got the stereo on!
326
00:13:21,818 --> 00:13:23,618
Oh, it sounds marv...
327
00:13:23,686 --> 00:13:25,185
Hey!
328
00:13:25,254 --> 00:13:26,921
That's cold!
329
00:13:26,990 --> 00:13:30,324
Hey! Hey! The hot!
Turn on the hot!
330
00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:31,492
Ooh.
331
00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:33,427
What was all that noise?
332
00:13:33,496 --> 00:13:35,173
The whole house was shaking.
333
00:13:35,197 --> 00:13:37,765
Mr. Ziffel just went
By in his new tractor.
334
00:13:37,834 --> 00:13:39,600
His new tractor?!
335
00:13:39,669 --> 00:13:41,368
Yeah, he's been goin'
All around the valley
336
00:13:41,437 --> 00:13:43,370
Showing it off. It's a beauty.
337
00:13:43,439 --> 00:13:44,639
2-way radio,
338
00:13:44,707 --> 00:13:47,008
Air conditioned
Cab, stereo tapes.
339
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,176
What color? Blue!
340
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:50,811
Good-bye.
341
00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:54,181
Wait. Hey, wait,
Turn the water on!
342
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,783
Lisa, tu...
343
00:14:17,707 --> 00:14:20,240
You still got it, fred.
344
00:14:20,309 --> 00:14:22,777
Honey, once a man's got it,
345
00:14:22,845 --> 00:14:24,712
He never loses it.
346
00:14:33,756 --> 00:14:37,058
Doris... Are you game?
347
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:40,828
Oh, all right, fred.
You can dip me.
348
00:14:40,897 --> 00:14:42,763
But don't drop me.
349
00:14:50,907 --> 00:14:53,540
Oh, hello, mrs. Douglas.
350
00:14:53,610 --> 00:14:55,409
We were just dancin'
To the tractor.
351
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:56,844
Well, you dance beautifully.
352
00:14:56,913 --> 00:14:58,557
Yeah, we used to
Give exhibitions
353
00:14:58,581 --> 00:15:00,414
At all the livestock shows.
354
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:01,682
Mrs. Ziffel,
355
00:15:01,751 --> 00:15:04,085
I came over to talk to
You about the tractor.
356
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,453
Oh, yeah. Ain't it a jim dandy?
357
00:15:06,522 --> 00:15:09,123
Yes. Well, uh, mr. Ziffel,
358
00:15:09,191 --> 00:15:11,492
What I want to find
Out... When it arrived,
359
00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:13,628
Did it have a bow
On it and a big card
360
00:15:13,696 --> 00:15:16,030
Saying "Happy
Birthday from a friend"?
361
00:15:16,099 --> 00:15:17,209
Yes, ma'am.
362
00:15:17,233 --> 00:15:18,733
Well, I am the friend.
363
00:15:18,801 --> 00:15:19,934
Mrs. Douglas!
364
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:21,947
Well, I'll be doggoned.
365
00:15:21,971 --> 00:15:23,515
You see? I told you
366
00:15:23,539 --> 00:15:25,150
That whoever gave it to us
367
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:26,785
Is gonna tell me about it.
368
00:15:26,809 --> 00:15:29,476
You know, you and
Mr. Douglas are real folks.
369
00:15:29,545 --> 00:15:31,411
Well, mr. Douglas didn't have
370
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:34,048
Anything to do
With it. I bought it.
371
00:15:34,117 --> 00:15:35,628
You? Well, how did you know
372
00:15:35,652 --> 00:15:36,929
What kind I wanted?
373
00:15:36,953 --> 00:15:40,988
You see, next week is
My husband's birthday.
374
00:15:41,057 --> 00:15:42,523
What are you gettin' for him?
375
00:15:42,591 --> 00:15:44,951
That's none of our business.
376
00:15:45,494 --> 00:15:46,538
Mrs. Douglas,
377
00:15:46,562 --> 00:15:48,373
I don't know how to thank you.
378
00:15:48,397 --> 00:15:49,897
Well, mr. Ziffel,
Don't thank me.
379
00:15:49,966 --> 00:15:50,898
You see, because...
380
00:15:50,967 --> 00:15:53,045
Because you've got a big heart.
381
00:15:53,069 --> 00:15:54,902
No, mr. Ziffel.
382
00:15:54,971 --> 00:15:56,849
Mrs. Douglas,
You're a kind woman.
383
00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:57,805
Oh, no, no.
384
00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:58,939
You certainly are.
385
00:15:59,008 --> 00:16:00,853
You don't know how I've longed
386
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,054
For somethin' like this.
387
00:16:02,078 --> 00:16:04,356
Now I won't have to
Walk behind a plow
388
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:05,880
In the hot sun.
389
00:16:05,948 --> 00:16:08,388
Why, you've added
10 years to my life.
390
00:16:08,450 --> 00:16:10,985
You're a wonderful woman.
391
00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:12,920
Yeah. They say city
Folks don't care
392
00:16:12,989 --> 00:16:15,089
About their neighbors,
But you sure do.
393
00:16:15,158 --> 00:16:16,423
Oh, but...
394
00:16:16,492 --> 00:16:17,870
Yeah, you may be city,
395
00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:20,294
But, heh, you're all country.
396
00:16:22,098 --> 00:16:23,430
Oh, well.
397
00:16:23,499 --> 00:16:25,310
Mrs. Douglas, I thank you.
398
00:16:25,334 --> 00:16:27,245
I thank you for makin' this
399
00:16:27,269 --> 00:16:30,938
The best birthday I ever had.
400
00:16:34,043 --> 00:16:36,343
Happy birthday, mr. Ziffel.
401
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,424
Oliver, wake up.
402
00:16:51,794 --> 00:16:53,005
What do you want?
403
00:16:53,029 --> 00:16:54,228
Are you awake?
404
00:16:54,296 --> 00:16:56,230
I am now.
405
00:16:56,298 --> 00:16:58,165
Well, if that's
Your tone of voice,
406
00:16:58,234 --> 00:16:59,767
Go back to sleep.
407
00:17:06,008 --> 00:17:08,575
As long as I'm awake,
What do you want?
408
00:17:08,644 --> 00:17:10,444
Nothing.
409
00:17:10,512 --> 00:17:12,592
Oh, for the love of...
410
00:17:19,588 --> 00:17:21,622
Oliver,
411
00:17:21,690 --> 00:17:24,158
You're a lawyer, aren't you?
412
00:17:24,227 --> 00:17:26,038
You woke me up to ask me...
413
00:17:26,062 --> 00:17:28,207
You know I'm a lawyer.
414
00:17:28,231 --> 00:17:29,696
Good night.
415
00:17:29,766 --> 00:17:31,565
That is not the question!
416
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:32,778
Well, what is?
417
00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:35,069
It's a hypodermical question.
418
00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:37,772
Hypodermical?
419
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:39,740
Yes. You see, there
Was this friend of mine
420
00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:41,308
Who bought
Something for someone,
421
00:17:41,377 --> 00:17:43,978
Who shall remain nameless,
And sent it to someone else,
422
00:17:44,046 --> 00:17:45,646
Who shall also remain nameless,
423
00:17:45,714 --> 00:17:47,648
And even though
They weren't related,
424
00:17:47,716 --> 00:17:49,583
They both have
The same nameless.
425
00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:52,019
Hypothetical.
426
00:17:53,589 --> 00:17:55,555
Anyway, the second nameless
427
00:17:55,624 --> 00:17:57,591
Thought it was for
Them and they kept it.
428
00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,760
Now, the question
Is, how does my friend
429
00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:01,561
Get it back from
The second nameless
430
00:18:01,630 --> 00:18:03,397
And send it to
The first nameless,
431
00:18:03,465 --> 00:18:05,432
Who should have had it
In the first place anyhow?
432
00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,802
Well, the way I see it,
433
00:18:07,870 --> 00:18:09,703
Your friend is in big trouble.
434
00:18:09,772 --> 00:18:10,704
Why?
435
00:18:10,773 --> 00:18:12,350
Because the way you explain it,
436
00:18:12,374 --> 00:18:13,718
Nobody could ever understand it.
437
00:18:13,742 --> 00:18:14,842
Now, good night.
438
00:18:16,279 --> 00:18:18,478
Well, I guess you
Can't expect a man
439
00:18:18,547 --> 00:18:20,580
Who is 72 years older than me
440
00:18:20,649 --> 00:18:22,183
To stay up late.
441
00:18:29,926 --> 00:18:32,092
Fred, wake up.
442
00:18:32,161 --> 00:18:33,260
Fred!
443
00:18:33,329 --> 00:18:35,830
What's the matter?
444
00:18:35,898 --> 00:18:38,165
I got a question I
Want to ask you.
445
00:18:38,234 --> 00:18:40,734
Oh, doris, it's 12:00,
446
00:18:40,803 --> 00:18:43,270
And I'm tired from
All that waltzin'.
447
00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:44,905
Just answer me this...
448
00:18:44,974 --> 00:18:48,408
How come mrs. Douglas
Bought you that tractor?
449
00:18:48,477 --> 00:18:50,211
Wha-what do you mean?
450
00:18:50,279 --> 00:18:54,181
Fred, what's goin'
On between you two?
451
00:18:54,250 --> 00:18:55,415
Nothin'.
452
00:18:55,484 --> 00:18:58,552
Hmm. Pretty fancy
Tractor for nothin'.
453
00:18:58,620 --> 00:19:01,188
Oh, doris, go on back to sleep.
454
00:19:01,257 --> 00:19:02,789
Now, look here, fred ziffel!
455
00:19:04,126 --> 00:19:06,126
Now you see what you done?
456
00:19:06,195 --> 00:19:07,928
You woke up arnold.
457
00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:13,734
Go to sleep, arnold.
458
00:19:13,802 --> 00:19:15,502
No. Let him stay awake
459
00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:18,239
And hear what kind of
A two-timin' man you are.
460
00:19:20,042 --> 00:19:21,475
How could you do this to me?
461
00:19:21,543 --> 00:19:23,744
I've given you the
Best years of my life.
462
00:19:23,812 --> 00:19:25,523
That ain't much of an argument
463
00:19:25,547 --> 00:19:26,713
In your favor.
464
00:19:26,782 --> 00:19:28,115
Oh, then you admit
465
00:19:28,184 --> 00:19:30,150
You'd rather have her than me.
466
00:19:30,219 --> 00:19:32,619
Now, that is the stupidest thing
467
00:19:32,688 --> 00:19:34,288
Anybody ever said.
468
00:19:34,357 --> 00:19:37,224
Fred, why did she
Give you that tractor?
469
00:19:37,293 --> 00:19:38,959
It is my birthday.
470
00:19:39,028 --> 00:19:40,261
Ha.
471
00:19:40,329 --> 00:19:43,330
Then why didn't she tell
Her husband about it?
472
00:19:43,399 --> 00:19:45,933
Well, it probably
Slipped her mind.
473
00:19:46,002 --> 00:19:49,136
Yeah? Well, I'll
Take care of that
474
00:19:49,205 --> 00:19:51,405
First thing tomorrow morning.
475
00:19:51,473 --> 00:19:54,141
Mr. Douglas, we got a problem.
476
00:19:54,210 --> 00:19:55,609
we've got a problem?
477
00:19:55,677 --> 00:19:57,111
Yeah, you and me.
478
00:19:57,179 --> 00:19:59,880
You know what's been
Goin' on behind our backs?
479
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:01,181
What?
480
00:20:01,250 --> 00:20:03,350
Well, it ain't easy to say,
481
00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:05,152
But your wife and my husband...
482
00:20:05,221 --> 00:20:06,353
Yes?
483
00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:07,788
You never read peyton place?
484
00:20:09,758 --> 00:20:10,891
You mean...
485
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:14,161
You think that my
Wife and your husb...
486
00:20:14,230 --> 00:20:16,263
Ha ha ha ha ha!
487
00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:19,666
Ha ha!
488
00:20:19,735 --> 00:20:21,001
Well, you're laughin',
489
00:20:21,070 --> 00:20:23,037
But he's got the new
Tractor, and you ain't.
490
00:20:23,105 --> 00:20:25,772
What's the tractor
Got to do with it?
491
00:20:25,841 --> 00:20:27,674
Guess who gave it to him.
492
00:20:27,743 --> 00:20:29,910
You think my wife?
493
00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:32,546
To my husband for his birthday.
494
00:20:32,614 --> 00:20:34,114
On his bir...
495
00:20:35,584 --> 00:20:39,219
Ohh. Now I understand!
496
00:20:39,288 --> 00:20:41,455
Sure. Ho ho!
497
00:20:41,523 --> 00:20:45,292
Gosh, you city folks
Sure are broad-minded.
498
00:20:45,361 --> 00:20:46,961
Well, I... I... I...
499
00:20:47,029 --> 00:20:49,063
Now, who do you think
We should shoot first?
500
00:20:49,131 --> 00:20:51,031
You don't have to shoot anybody.
501
00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:52,866
We always shoot.
502
00:20:52,935 --> 00:20:54,775
No, no. Before you get excited,
503
00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:56,370
Let me talk to my wife.
504
00:20:56,439 --> 00:20:57,471
Well, all right.
505
00:20:57,539 --> 00:20:59,239
But don't be too hard on her.
506
00:20:59,308 --> 00:21:00,907
You know, under
Certain circumstances,
507
00:21:00,977 --> 00:21:02,977
My fred is irresistible.
508
00:21:05,214 --> 00:21:07,848
Lisa, sit down.
509
00:21:07,916 --> 00:21:10,117
Not on my lap!
510
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:12,586
Oh. It's serious.
511
00:21:12,654 --> 00:21:13,854
Yes, it is.
512
00:21:13,922 --> 00:21:15,400
Is it as serious as the time
513
00:21:15,424 --> 00:21:17,436
When I tripped the
Duke of edinborough?
514
00:21:17,460 --> 00:21:18,460
It's more serious.
515
00:21:18,527 --> 00:21:20,405
Well, that was pretty serious.
516
00:21:20,429 --> 00:21:22,896
They wanted to
Declare war on me.
517
00:21:22,965 --> 00:21:26,066
Lisa, this concerns us.
518
00:21:26,135 --> 00:21:27,834
We are at the crossroads.
519
00:21:27,903 --> 00:21:29,303
We are?
520
00:21:29,372 --> 00:21:31,972
I guess it's all
Over between us.
521
00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:32,973
It is?
522
00:21:33,042 --> 00:21:34,341
Yes. I want you to know
523
00:21:34,410 --> 00:21:35,809
That I harbor no ill feelings.
524
00:21:35,878 --> 00:21:39,846
I wish you and
Mr. Ziffel the very best.
525
00:21:39,915 --> 00:21:41,515
Well, that's very...
526
00:21:41,583 --> 00:21:44,618
What is that about
The best of mr. Ziffel?
527
00:21:44,686 --> 00:21:47,187
Lisa, you gave
Mr. Ziffel a tractor.
528
00:21:47,256 --> 00:21:48,455
Well, I...
529
00:21:48,524 --> 00:21:50,424
No, there's no
Sense in denying it.
530
00:21:50,493 --> 00:21:52,326
Would you like to help me pack?
531
00:21:52,395 --> 00:21:54,406
But he wasn't
Supposed to get one.
532
00:21:54,430 --> 00:21:56,397
Then who was? You was.
533
00:21:56,465 --> 00:21:58,632
Then mr. Ziffel has my tractor.
534
00:21:58,700 --> 00:21:59,933
Who told you?
535
00:22:00,002 --> 00:22:02,569
Well, I figured that out.
536
00:22:02,638 --> 00:22:04,771
Mr. Ziffel is mr. Nameless, huh?
537
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,218
Yes. Mm-hmm.
538
00:22:06,242 --> 00:22:08,542
Well, I'm the other
Mr. Nameless, hmm?
539
00:22:08,610 --> 00:22:09,721
Yes.
540
00:22:09,745 --> 00:22:12,612
But am I nameless one or two?
541
00:22:12,681 --> 00:22:14,948
You're always number one for me.
542
00:22:15,017 --> 00:22:17,884
Aha. Then how is it that
Nameless two has my tractor?
543
00:22:17,953 --> 00:22:19,898
Sit down. Let me tell you.
544
00:22:19,922 --> 00:22:23,057
You see, I bought this
Tractor for you birthday,
545
00:22:23,125 --> 00:22:24,691
And I had it delivered to them,
546
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,193
And it was his birthday, too,
547
00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:28,562
And now he is dancing,
And you are not,
548
00:22:28,630 --> 00:22:30,564
And the music is coming
Out of the wheels.
549
00:22:30,632 --> 00:22:31,792
Yes, yes, I've heard.
550
00:22:31,833 --> 00:22:33,311
Well, you can just go over there
551
00:22:33,335 --> 00:22:34,935
And get my tractor back.
552
00:22:35,003 --> 00:22:36,937
Well, I tried, but
It didn't work.
553
00:22:37,005 --> 00:22:39,306
Then I'll do it myself.
554
00:22:39,375 --> 00:22:40,685
Hello, mr. Douglas.
555
00:22:40,709 --> 00:22:43,610
Hi, there, mr. Nameless...
Uh, I mean, mr. Ziffel.
556
00:22:43,679 --> 00:22:45,312
I came over here to talk to you
557
00:22:45,381 --> 00:22:46,813
About this tractor
That my wife...
558
00:22:46,882 --> 00:22:48,560
Ohh, she told you, huh?
559
00:22:48,584 --> 00:22:49,616
Yes, she did.
560
00:22:49,685 --> 00:22:51,596
Well, bless her little heart.
561
00:22:51,620 --> 00:22:53,398
And yours, too, mr. Douglas.
562
00:22:53,422 --> 00:22:54,933
You know, this tractor
563
00:22:54,957 --> 00:22:56,868
Is like the answer
To my prayers.
564
00:22:56,892 --> 00:22:57,824
Yes, but mr. Ziffel...
565
00:22:57,893 --> 00:22:58,903
Oh, you don't know
566
00:22:58,927 --> 00:23:00,072
How things have been with me.
567
00:23:00,096 --> 00:23:01,339
They've been very bad.
568
00:23:01,363 --> 00:23:02,363
Well, I'm sorry...
569
00:23:02,398 --> 00:23:03,908
Doris, you know,
She's slowed down
570
00:23:03,932 --> 00:23:06,010
And couldn't pull a
Plow like she used to.
571
00:23:06,034 --> 00:23:07,546
I haven't been able to plant
572
00:23:07,570 --> 00:23:09,181
But half of my acreage.
573
00:23:09,205 --> 00:23:11,516
I couldn't meet my
Mortgage payments,
574
00:23:11,540 --> 00:23:13,017
And now, with your gift,
575
00:23:13,041 --> 00:23:14,953
Why, I'll be out of
The red in no time.
576
00:23:14,977 --> 00:23:16,176
This is what I wanted to...
577
00:23:16,245 --> 00:23:18,290
And I'll be able to buy
Doris some of the things
578
00:23:18,314 --> 00:23:19,546
I've been denyin' her.
579
00:23:19,615 --> 00:23:22,048
I can get arnold a new crib,
580
00:23:22,118 --> 00:23:24,251
And maybe a color tv.
581
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:25,719
That'll be wonderful. But mr...
582
00:23:25,787 --> 00:23:27,787
And all because
You and the missus
583
00:23:27,856 --> 00:23:28,967
Have such big hearts.
584
00:23:28,991 --> 00:23:30,390
No, we really...
585
00:23:30,459 --> 00:23:32,692
Bless you, mr. Douglas.
Bless you, sir.
586
00:23:32,761 --> 00:23:35,295
And anytime you
Want to borrow it,
587
00:23:35,364 --> 00:23:36,930
You just come right on.
588
00:23:36,999 --> 00:23:38,776
I want you to think
Of that tractor
589
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,334
As your very own.
590
00:23:41,937 --> 00:23:43,715
Well, at least you can use it
591
00:23:43,739 --> 00:23:44,882
Whenever you want to.
592
00:23:44,906 --> 00:23:46,751
It's going to be
Like it's your own.
593
00:23:46,775 --> 00:23:48,708
Oh, it's not like having my own,
594
00:23:48,777 --> 00:23:50,477
But at least I want to thank you
595
00:23:50,546 --> 00:23:52,412
For having the thought
Of giving me a tractor.
596
00:23:52,481 --> 00:23:53,525
Oh, you're welcome.
597
00:23:53,549 --> 00:23:54,881
It was very thoughtful of you.
598
00:23:54,950 --> 00:23:56,161
No, it was nothing.
599
00:23:56,185 --> 00:23:58,118
You picked it out
All by yourself?
600
00:23:58,187 --> 00:23:59,419
Yes.
601
00:23:59,488 --> 00:24:01,522
And the stereo...
That was your idea?
602
00:24:01,590 --> 00:24:03,201
Music out of each wheel.
603
00:24:03,225 --> 00:24:05,425
Mm. And the air conditioning.
604
00:24:05,494 --> 00:24:08,162
And the 2-way radio.
605
00:24:08,230 --> 00:24:10,497
It was a beautiful tractor.
606
00:24:10,566 --> 00:24:12,599
Yes. Then why in...
607
00:24:12,668 --> 00:24:15,802
Why did you have to
Give it to mr. Ziffel?!
608
00:24:15,871 --> 00:24:18,672
I'm never going to
Hear the end of this.
609
00:24:18,740 --> 00:24:21,642
What kind of a mallethead
Would do a think like that?
610
00:24:21,710 --> 00:24:23,877
Before you get real mad,
611
00:24:23,945 --> 00:24:26,346
You want to give me
A happy birthday kiss?
612
00:24:28,484 --> 00:24:29,583
Well...
613
00:24:33,722 --> 00:24:36,256
It's not like having
Your own tractor...
614
00:24:43,098 --> 00:24:44,498
It's hard to believe
615
00:24:44,567 --> 00:24:47,033
That you are 81
Years older than I am.
616
00:24:57,446 --> 00:25:00,380
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617
00:25:00,449 --> 00:25:03,449
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